05/29/2024 > Wrote a whole couple of paragraphs here that didn't sit right with me :P I will try to keep it brief
When I was a little girl, I would try to keep a diary. I would always fail to maintain it, though, & I'd never really make it past one or two entries. I didn't want to keep a diary. I recognized this iconic thing which was not natural to me, one of those strange commonalities among other little girls & a frequent device in the plots of books or movies that was not common to me. I observed myself writing in the pages & felt pleased.
10/27/2023 > Right now I'm on Stackoverflow trying to find a way to make the bearlian picture manipulable. I tried to get around the text being obscured by adding the scrollbar, but it's a pretty annoying solution that requires a lot of finicking, and it doesn't even work for the top line. I like his placement, so I can't destroy him. So: javascript. I don't know it. Some people who do have written something about it here, I just have to figure out how to make it applicable to my site (with credit of course)...In other news, I've begun adding more to my worlds page. Hopefully I stick with it & it becomes the best page this side of the Mississippi. If not then it's just going to be a stupid page with broken links.
Anyway, my friend, Demo, is really into worldbuilding. They used a program to generate 150 years of tectonic history to get realistic mountains & continents, which is insane to me. They sent me this article which BLEW MY MIND ! Because there was MORE THAN ONE SUPERCONTINENT BESIDES PANGEA !!! Pangea->Pannotia->Rodinia->Nuna->& the first supercontinent, Kenorland. There's such a thing as a supercontinent cycle, wherein about every 750 million years a supercontinent forms & rifts apart again.
Another thing I found interesting is that East Africa is currently splitting apart. I think I already learned this before but it's going to stick this time...Maybe ! One of the REALLY cool things I ended up learning from a different couple of articles about Kenorland is that aerobic bacteria are actually responsible for displacing other gases in our atmosphere with oxygen, & were maybe the first organisms to undergo oxygenic photosynthesis. It's crazy because I was always under the impression that plants were the only beasts capable of photosynthesis, & that they were solely responsible for generating oxygen & animalia just did the Krebbs Cycle or whatever. Nope ! Thanks, bacteria.
10/25/2023 > I continue to wish for the deletion of my art accounts...
10/22/2023 > "Worlds" page is now live, "music" subpage with it. I'm debating whether I should do unique styling/formatting for each "world." I think maybe it works as is for now. Maybe it could be fun to replace the bearlian (the guy you see to the left) with an image that corresponds to each topic. I've also been thinking about changing the font to something a little more fun...there is much to do. I spent the entire day uploading images to neocities from my phone & writing them into my art page...I do have a 5 minute presentation to give in my Research Writing class tomorrow that I'm only semi-prepared for. I'm falling behind in a lot of my classes because I keep getting sick or spontaneously breaking out into tears or something. That really happened ! A couple of weeks ago I began uncontrollably sobbing on my kitchen floor. I'm sure it's because of an accumulation of several-month's worth of nightly panic attacks, existential despair, and background stress that had an effect heretothen unknown to me. It felt more like I had a mental breakdown because I had a stomach ache & was alone. Well, by its end I was feeling sort of electric, so after pacing around & drawing or whatever else I did, I went to bed. I went to class that next morning feeling normal. I'm sitting in class watching my professor do trigonometry at 9:00AM and I start filling up with this sadness and fear. I make an ultimatum with myself to only leave when a tear falls down my cheek, because I know then that I'll start crying real loud. Of course, it happens, and I rush out of the room covering my face and scuttle to a bench outside. I cry hard. I'm panicking and searching myself to find out why. No clue. I still don't really know ! After a while I feel worn out, and I go back inside and head into the woman's bathroom to wipe off my face, sniffling and training my eyes on the ground. There was another woman in there drying her hands, and she kindly asks if I am okay. I immediately burst out into tears again and apologize, for whatever reason I hide myself away behind a wall of one of the stalls and sob into my hands. I tell her that I don't know why this has happening, and I never cry, and that I'm so sorry. She tells me that it's okay and asks me if I've ever tried essential oils. She takes me to her office. This is sort of a consistent pattern in my life. Maybe I am not very stable. When I break I tend to do it in front of an older woman. Anyway, she puts three drops of Orange scented oil in one hand, and three Lavender (Peppermint? Eucalyptus? in the other, and tells me to rub my hands together, then run them through my hair and massage it into my collar. Mainly, I'm told to bring my hands up to my face so I can smell it. It really works. I didn't quite think it would, but it did. We talk a little and I thank her. Then I walk to class, puffy-faced and still sniffling, get my things (when my eraser falls to the ground, someone picks it up for me), and bike around with my music loud. It was a really strange thing but I'm glad it happened.
10/21/2023 > This page is now live...I sort of have no idea what I was talking about on my birthday this year but I don't particularly want to delete it because I get a little scared of "erasing" myself like that, when I'm not freaking out and abandoning/deleting things that is. Anyway, this website is sort of bare-bones at the moment & the background looks alittle weird, but I figured that I would upload it just so I'll keep up with it. I'd really like to make it look crazier & chock-full of random crap. It's just the way I roll. B]. Functionally this website is a place to store high-definition images of my artworks & a dumping-ground for my boring/peculiar thoughts. I think that this is a good compromise between having a social media account & not...I take social media far too seriously & I'm really weird about it when there's any semblance of a "platform." Since this is a place to host websites & not Instagram or Tiktok or whatever, I hope to be weird in a fun way & not a depressing way. Weehee!
05/16/2023 >hi ! this is the first entry I'm writing for this page. Today is my birthday :] After a lifetime of being a little girl & then a teenager, I've now spent a long enough time as an adult to begin balancing it out. it is SO crazy to have the 2010s firmly behind us. I'm not sure why, but I didn't envision my future in my 20s or...the 2020s (no way to avoid awkward sentence structure)
Definitely didn't see the pandemic coming ! I can't believe how stark and jarring the transition from 2019 to 2020 was. Like...2019 was still very 2010s. Millenials, cottagecore, tiktok is cringe, neutral tones....ummmmm everything else....but I think Covid seriously defined a strong border between the previous and coming decade. Like: Gen Z, popularization of leftist ideas (I attribute this to BLM and more people having to deal w/ the horrific American health care system and it's sort of awesome) Tiktok is fine actually (It's NOT.) Y2k, people are no longer afraid of colors. Ok actually I have to cut this line of thought short because discussing the march of time like this is scaring me. [This paragraph sucks. 5 months ago?]
Yesterday was my cat Cheesecake's birthday. She's now two years old ! I love her so much. I'm planning on making a page on here dedicated to her. I had a pretty good day today. I biked to a bubble tea place and then got an acai bowl. I also went to pick up some cookies that I ordered and this poor woman was sleeping on the counter in the back room. I came back half an hour later and a different guy gave me my order. AND THEN what do I see when I return to my apartment. TWO MORE cookie boxes. At first I thought that the website glitched and duplicated my order, but it was actually my sweet mother. I have an awful time expressing affection but I really love her too.
Anyway, that's it. It's 11:00PM so I am going to bed. Goodnight !
